Am I Ready for Round 2?

Today I had yet another doctor's appointment, and I weighed in at 184.5lbs. I am loving that I've been off injections for my 3 days and I've still managed to lose weight. Thing is, I'm pretty certain that I'm going back on protocol next week. I really want to lose all of the weight that I can before becoming pregnant. Yep, if I hadn't mentioned it before, my husband and I are trying to conceive. So, we thought it would be simple. It isn't. For some reason or another I am not ovulating. So I'm taking 100mg of clomid. Clomid is a fertility drug that from my understanding helps the ovaries produce follicles that release eggs...Issue is, sometimes it releases more than one egg and the possibility for twins, triplets, and quadruplets are raised. Now, do I think that I'll be one of the lucky ones who gives birth to multiples. NO. Absolutely not. But regardless of whether or not there are two buns in the oven or just one, I want to be as healthy as I can possibly be before that times comes. So, I am taking a really short break, and hopping right back on the HCG protocol next week. Kevin and I officially start trying on 'Labor Day.' No pun intended. My first round of clomid will be over and I should begin ovulating. Wish us luck!

17lbs Down

I have to say I'm quite proud of myself. Maybe 17lbs is not a lot, however I definitely know that at the rate I was going that I could very well be 17lbs heavier. I'm going to take what I can get, because after all, I did work hard for it. This HCG protocol is not easy. It really is for people who are serious about losing weight and making a lifestyle change. It takes effort and dedication, and a real desire to do better with yourself and your life. It's also not a solution to eating whatever you want to eat and then taking HCG to lose a few pounds in order to fit back into you size 2's. No, this is a serious inquiries only, not to be taken advantage of, lifestyle change. I'm very proud to have gotten out of this protocol what I have put into it, and that's definitely the benefit of hard work.

Double Chin

Yesterday my best friend says to me, "I can tell you've lost weight, you're double chin is gone." I smiled politely and could not even muster a response. I didn't even know that I HAD a double chin.

Too Much HCG?

I just figured out that I was taking nearly double the amount of HCG that I needed to. For a long time there, I was stalled and even gaining. I was really angry at myself for wasting time, the HCG, the supplies to inject, and really wasting weight loss, if you will. I feel like this round has been ruined...almost! I am so close to losing 15lbs that I can maybe excuse myself to the restroom and be there. I'm so excited about this. My goal for this round was to reach 179lbs. I just wanted to be in the 170s so that on my next round, I could be in the 150s and my final round would be easiest of all with less than 20lbs to lose. Now my goal is 145lbs. If I go under that, you'll hear no complaints from me. Someone with my body type, doesn't need to be much less and still be considered healthy. Personally I think my Double D's weigh about 10lbs each, so 145lbs = 125lbs for me. If my breast vanish, and I wouldn't mind it one bit, then maybe I would want to weigh less. Back on track! After I changed my dosage to half what I was taking, I immediately saw a reduction on the scale. Even the wii scale was agreeable. Today I lost nearly one and a half pounds! It's amazing how when something and in this case HCG, it doesn't work as it's supposed to. Now, I didn't intentionally abuse the system, but never the less, I learned from it. I'm hoping that this isn't a fluke, and my instincts tell me otherwise, but I'm very happy with the results of decreasing my dosage. I'm more motivated than before now, and I really don't want to stop. I think I'm going to look into cycling. Maybe. In the meantime, Kevin returns home on Saturday. I'm going out today to buy something special for him. What's even more exciting is that I actually may wear it!

Making Changes In Our Menu at Home

So the kids have asked me when we're going to eat out again. I didn't really realize how much we ate out until now and having to cook every day. The kids are wanting the social interaction of going out to dinner as a family and I'm feeling guilty that maybe we've given them the impression that food is a reward. I will admit that I have one child who is a bit underweight (all natural) and the other who is right where she needs to be, but can eat 10 times a day if I let her. I am learning to be more cognizant of the girls' menu's. I can't believe how much everyday stuff has high fructose corn syrup amongst other things. The girls have not complained much about their slight menu changes, but as time progresses, I know we're about to make some major changes in our household eating habits. I do not believe in taking their candy and sweet snacks away, but I also realize that every snack and every meal that they have in one day does not have to be filled with so much...well, junk! The kids get a juice with every meal. A capri sun, a tropical punch, hi ci, even gatorade. Well, I'm not going to take away their juice at dinner. However, breakfast can be natural juice (no sugar added) or even milk. They'll have to have a bottle of water with their snack, instead of more juice. I know the changes aren't much, but they are something, and I'm quickly learning that every little bit hurts or it helps.

Battle of the Scales

So every morning, with much anticipation, I wake up and rush downstairs to the 'office' area which sits open to our kitchen. We've moved the scale from our bathroom upstairs to this special spot near our kitchen. I remove my robe, tap my foot against the scale (after making sure the blinds are securely closed). I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and I take the big step onto what will either be my friend or enemy. I stay a moment before looking down and stepping off and my heart beats a little faster when I view the results. Rather up or down, I thank the scale, just sometimes more sarcastically than others, and I go about making my injection for the day. After injecting, I head to the living room and pull out the wii fit board. I ignore the little wii voice's groan when I step on the scale and I relax as it weighs me. Then I compare the two numbers. They are always different. My husband tells me to stick with one and live with what it tells me. I really try to, but I just can't help doing both. The wii is usually always higher than my scale. I like using the wii because it tracks my weight every day. Tells me when I'm up and down, tells me how many more pounds I need to lose before I meet my goal, even tells me my BMI. But it's ALWAYS higher than my beloved scale. I love the scale because it's been with me for a while and has always been reliable. It tracks how much weight I've lost, and it measure my water, etc. And let's face it....It's ALWAYS lower. They are never more than a few ounces different (today one said 189.8 and the other said 191.4). I still haven't figured which one is golden, but I am tracking both, so hopefully the ounces will catch up with each other. Still not sure who's winning!

10lbs Down!

I'm so proud of myself. I know that it's a small step in my journey but it's still an achievement!

__

Starting Weight - 202
Current Weight - 190.8
Goal Weight - 145
Pounds Lost - 11.6

It's Getting Easier!

So, the girls and I went to Okuma Beach and we had a really good time. When we got to Okuma on Monday, we were pretty hungry. They had a limited lunch menu because it was mid afternoon. Out of fruit salad and chef salad, I took the lesser of two evils. I took the ham/turkey off and gave it to my BF since she's eating whatever. I poured on raw vinegar and ate the eggs (one whole egg), bits of the lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers. I know I'm not supposed to mix vegetables but I was starving! We went to the beach and had a great time in the water. My menu pretty much consisted of beef and tomatoes/cucumbers for the couple of days that I was there. Tonight, I'm cooking chicken and cabbage. I am looking forward to the I've been taking biolin for the past few days and I've not notice much of a difference, but I am losing again, so that makes me feel awesome. I want to take new measurements soon and hopefully I've lost some more inches. Clothes are fitting great!

This whole HCG protocol is getting easier. When I first began injecting I could feel the pinch of the needle and the sting of the hcg entering my body. I trudged along, because I could see the progress that my husband had already made, and I was anxious for similar results. Now I'm injecting myself, while before my husband had the honors. The VLCD at times seemed unbearable and quite frankly impossible, but I stuck with it, and soon I started to get full after a few bites. Cooking dinner for the kids every night left the window of temptation and opportunity open and I would sometimes have to take a break to fight it. However, now the sight and smells of food don't pull my attention nearly as often as it used to. I would daydream about eating my favorite snacks and sweets. I would get anxious and really have to give myself a pep talk. However, now it's so much more rewarding to say no to sweets and yes to that image of myself that is stuck in my head of a healthier me. While on vacation, my best friend who originally started the protocol with me kept asking if the items she ordered on the menu would bother me at all. I told her not to worry, with just a fraction of doubt. But when her 3 appetizers of fried cheese egg rolls, shrimp cocktail, and grilled chicken skewers in terriyaki sauce came out, I realized that wow, I really am content with my tomatoes and beef. Not because it was the best food on the menu, but because I felt good about what I was doing for my body, for my health, for my family. I know that when I'm finished with this round, that the eating habits of our entire family is going to change. I just don't feel right feeding my kids things that I won't eat anymore. I'm realizing more and more every day that this is a life changing moment in our lives and I'm amazed at how easy it has been and that it really does keep getting easier!

Upcoming Trip Concerns

Tomorrow the kids, my best friend, and I are going to Okuma (North of the island) for a little fun in the sun and as an all girls retreat. We'll hang out on the beach, play tennis, golf, hike, water sports, go carts, etc. I'm a little bummed that my husband is away and I need some time away from the house, the laundry, the dog, and let's face it, our bed. So I am looking forward to the time at the resort.

There is a restaurant on the resort and I'm sure they'll have the necessities on the menu as far as the protocol is concerned. Yet still, I'm worried about not being able to weigh my food. I absolutely do NOT want to gain a single ounce while on the trip. I'll bring my portable scale with me, along with the HCG and a few snacks (melba toast, apples, oranges). But when you're 'vacationing' it's difficult not to cheat. How am I going to manage this?

My best friend originally started the HCG with me and she lost an astonishing 14lbs in two weeks (from 264 to 250), but she wasn't staying dedicated to the protocol, which sort of upset me. I have come downstairs in the middle of the night to catch her eating and drinking. She debated with me over why we couldn't have sugar free jello or broccoli and I have just grown tired of repeating how important following protocol is. So yesterday after realizing that there wasn't a syringe for her in the usual spot, she asked what was going on. I told her that it was best that she starts it when she gets home when she can really focus and be dedicated to the protocol. She was a bit relieved and a bit irritated all at the same time. She was relieved to not sneak around anymore and to be able to go out to dinner and have free range at the menu (she even said she'd probably have sugar and carbs, just in moderation, which makes me cringe inside). She was irritated that I didn't ask her, which I suppose is fair enough. But she also expressed her irritation at me starting this protocol during her presence here in the first place. It sort of bothered me because for 1. I would have started a long time ago, but the HCG took forever to get here. 2. I didn't start immediately when she got here. I waited a couple of weeks and we enjoyed plenty of great restaurants here before I started. 3. Eating out was getting super expensive, especially when the children and my husband joined us, which was quite often since I wasn't cooking. 4. She extended her stay here by five weeks and it would have been September before I could have started. 5. How long am I supposed to wait before I start doing what I feel is right for me? It sure didn't take her long to start increasing her calories either. I suppose she's an example of just not being ready yet. She knows that the protocol works, imagine if she does stay dedicated how much more she can lose! I also must admit that I hated watching my HCG waste away on someone who just wasn't dedicated. It took me forever to receive the HCG in the mail and I'm unwilling to watch her use up our stash to only run out of it mid round. I love her to pieces, but this is one 'selfish' act that will benefit both my family and I, that I just can't compromise any further on.

Back to the mini vacation... The problem is that I'm not willing to go off of protocol to accommodate her social eating needs/habits. So this trip is going to be even more difficult because she may want to eat more than I can and am willing to. Not to mention the influence that will have on the kids and their eating habits and expectations. When she cooks for them, the portion sizes are significantly bigger than when their dad or I do. I've got to gain control back!!!

Hopefully things will work out for the best. I will stay committed to the protocol, the kids will eat healthy without taking away their enjoyment of occasional sweets. And my best friend will eat her 14lbs back which may teach her that maintaining is just as important as losing. I'm motivated and determined to get rid of this weight problem once and for all. A different life is waiting for me.

Goodbye 14

So I've lost another 1.5lbs, which is great! I am upset with myself about cheating and gaining. But I think it was the baked apples that made me stall more so than the cheat day. I mean one day without apples and a pound and a half gone. Needless to say that I went without apples again today. I had beef and spinach earlier, sauteed in vinegar and garlic, and for dinner I had chicken breast tenders along with cabbage sauteed in vinegar and garlic. I am getting fuller easier now. I believe that the HCG is somehow stronger this round. I feel like I'm still losing inches. I definitely look better naked! Woohoo!!! But this is just great. This morning I put on my size 12's....yeah I know, I was sort of in denial in admitting that I was a size 14 and only had a couple of pair of pants in this size, but my size 12's are still sort of tight, but can button and zip without issue, and all without my belly pouring over the waist. It's greatness!!! I'm super excited about it and looking forward to dropping more inches and pounds!

Starting Weight - 202
Current Weight - 193.8
Goal Weight - 145
Pounds Lost - 8.4

Bye Hubby

So, my husband left for South Korea today. I am sad to see him go. He won't be back until the end of August and right now it sounds like forever. I know it's not technically a deployment, but saying goodbye just never seems to get easier. But I know that in his absence I can really concentrate on being dedicated to this protocol. I have the next few weeks to establish a routine with the kids and preparing for back to school. So finishing off this round of HCG should go pretty smoothly for me. I'm going to miss that guy, but I'm keeping a positive attitude so that when he comes back the smaller, slimmer me can fit into something special for him.

Week 2 Measurements

Waist - 39 1/2 inches
Bust - 41 inches
Hips - 46 inches
Left Wrist - 6 1/2 inches
Left Forearm - 9 inches
Right Forearm - 9 inches
Right Wrist - 6 1/2 inches
Right Thigh - 25 1/2 inches
Left Thigh - 25 1/2 inches
Neck - 13 inches
Left Bicep - 11 inches
Right Bicep - 12 inches
Left Breast 17 inches
Right Breast 16 1/2 inches

I've Lost Inches!

I can't believe it! Pounds & Inches is right. I've been kind of hard on myself lately because I've stalled...or should I say that I have been gaining. Well as it turns out I've lost an incredible amount of inches and that makes me feel great! I hope I can keep this up. I'll be back in my size 6's really soon!

I Cheated

So, here I was ten pounds down in my first week of being on HCG and I cheated. I feel so upset with myself, but I'm not coming down to hard on myself either. I gained two pounds back yesterday after having at it at a Mexican restaurant. I ordered a chimichanga filled with beans and shredded beef. I don't even like beans, but I swear it was the best meal I'd had in weeks! I also drank a tea with sweetener and I had peach flavored water (x2). I had a bite of guacomole as well. I broke all of the rules and I learned a valuable lesson. It just is NOT worth it. Two pounds in one day??? I can't believe that I ruined my progress. The thing is, the hunger has substatially subsided, and I ate anyway. I now understand how important staying on protocol is and why one moment of satisfaction can sabotage many more moments of happiness. My willpower is far more stronger now. I know I can do this. The temptation all around me isn't as rewarding as my goal. 145lbs. Not a size 2 or 120lbs, but a real woman weight for someone with curves. I not only can do this, I will do this. Determined.

Starting Weight - 202
Current Weight - 194
Goal Weight - 145
Pounds Lost - 8

Christany's Measurements - Week 1

Waist - 41 1/2 inches
Bust - 45 inches
Hips - 46 1/2 inches
Left Wrist - 6 1/2 inches
Left Forearm - 9 1/2 inches
Right Forearm - 10 inches
Right Wrist - 6 1/2 inches
Right Thigh - 29 inches
Left Thigh - 28 1/2 inches
Neck - 14 inches
Left Bicep - 12 inches
Right Bicep - 12 inches
Left Breast 17 1/2 inches
Right Breast 17 inches

The Weighting Game

Finally! Let me tell you, I have gotten terribly discouraged! I have researched, read P & I at least five times, you tube'd, spent hours pouring over the message boards on HTA, all in preparation of familiarizing myself with the HCG journey ahead of me. I wanted to be ready and on top of things. There was so much anticipation inside of me and I was excited! Then the "Weighting Game" began. It was a game that I did not enjoy in the least!

• The first week of the Weighting Game I thought, wow, this is great, I'm certain that I have just made a life changing decision.

• Second week I was menu planning and thinking any day now my journey will begin.

• Third week was like hmmm, what's going on here???

• Fourth week, I was stalking the post office and ready to call my mailman a liar to his face!

• Fifth week I got an explanation of all that had gone wrong and began to feel less anxiety about why I was so unlucky.

• Sixth week, I felt good again about the HCG arriving any day now.

Finally, yesterday my husband walked in the door very nonchalantly and pulled out an unexpectantly small and cloth wrapped box. It did not even register to me that the payoff for all of this waiting was finally delivered and in my hands. No more Weighting Games for me! It took a moment for it to sink through and I'll have to admit a small grin surfaced upon my face and my eyes were smiling before they had even managed to see the label or even what was inside the mysteriously wrapped package.

It is with a satisfactory sigh of relief that I can exclaim, "I have beat the Weighting Game." At least the first round of it. Now I can move on to the heart of what comes next and that is not so much of a game to be won as waiting on my HCG was. However, the 'Weight War' that I am involved in, still requires a victory worth winning and now I've got my armor and I'm ready to go to battle!

Unfortunately I will not be starting HCG for another week give or take a few days. My best friend is visiting us in Japan and it is difficult for me to make the commitment during her stay here considering the amount of travel she and I are doing. My husband is however, beginning his HCG journey today. I had the pleasure of injecting him this morning and it was indeed pleasure (How dare he start before me right???). Today is his first loading day and it will be nice to observe him and join him on this mission in a few days.

It is such a relief to be done with the first part of this Weighting Game and I can finally relax a bit and know that a 'different' me is on the horizon. Good luck to everyone who may be waiting on their HCG, or even just the courage and confidence needed to start. I may not have begun my injections yet, however, I've been on a 'weight journey' for what seems like forever, and I'm finally reaching a point where I'm not walking uphill any longer. I'm back in control of this challenge and although the fight is not over, at least I can confidently say it's beginning.

Good Luck!

~Christany

My Last Fat Dance!

Saturday evening is the Army Ball . My husband and I will have to walk the receiving line and I'll have to smile politely and confidently. The problem is that I haven't felt confident about myself in a very long time. I am not at all vain, but I have always been that 'pretty' girl. Lately I've been sort of an embarrassment. Not that my husband is ashamed of me, but I'm more so ashamed of myself. What happened to me? I've lost touch with myself, and I'm struggling to find her again.

There was a time when I really enjoyed these occasions., now, I usually dread these them. Oh how I WISH I'd known about this protocol sooner so that I could have prepared more for this ball and walked in a woman who was proud of herself. However, tomorrow, I'm okay with walking in, greeting everyone, standing by my husband's side, admiring all of the other wives' dresses and applauding my husband's chosen duty to his country.

Tomorrow night I will be proud of the woman I am, because who I am today won't vanish with the weight, but it will enhance who I've always been and inspire me to continue looking forward. I'm confident that tomorrow evening will be my last fat dance, and that's something to celebrate!

Waiting...

So my DH ordered HCG for me from India, and now we're waiting. I'm sooo excited to finally find something that may actually work for me. I'm looking forward to what comes next and I'm so motivated. Going to the gym is not working for me. Dieting is not working for me. Stress is not working for me. I am so ready for something to finally work for me. So, here we go! I can't wait for this waiting game to finally be over!